This is the only joke I know about a wooden leg.  It takes the form of
a series of letters written between a theatrical costumier and a customer.
Please feel free to add to the middle part so as to prolong its telling.  I shall
try to be brief.

       Customer: Dear Sir,
                          I have a bald head and a wooden leg.I wish to go
to a fancy dress party,and am requesting your advice on choice of costume,
and your quotation of cost.
                          Yours,
                              .......
       Firm :    Dear Sir,
                          With reference to your bald head and wooden leg,
we recommend our Long John Silver outfit.For $ 50 you will receive a pirate's
costume together with plastic parrot.The tricorn hat will cover your bald
head,and you will be able to use your wooden leg to good effect.
                          Yours,
                               .......
       Customer: Dear Sir,
                          With reference to my bald head and wooden leg,
I feel that I cannot afford $ 50 for the Long John Silver costume.Would you
please suggest something cheaper ?
                          Yours,
                               ........
       Firm:     Dear Sir,
                          With reference to your bald head and wooden leg,
we recommend our Julius Caesar outfit. For $ 25 you will receive a crown of
laurel leaves to put on your head and a long white toga to hide your wooden
leg.
                          Yours,
                                ........
       Customer: Dear Sir,
                          With reference to my bald head and wooden leg,I feel
that $25 is far too expensive. Would you please suggest something cheaper?
                          Yours,
                                .........
       Firm:     Dear Sir,
                          With reference to your bald head and wooden leg,
our considered advice is for you to invest 50 cents in a tin of treacle
(mollasses).
                          Yours,
                               .........
       Customer: Dear Sir,
                          With reference to my bald head and wooden leg,I
thank you for your suggestion. Would you please advise how this can be used
as a fancy dress costume ?
                          Yours,
                               ......
       Firm:     Dear Sir,
                          With reference to your bald head and wooden leg,
and your requests for information and advice, we recommend you pour the 
treacle over your head, stick your wooden leg up your arse, and go to the 
party as a toffee apple.
                           Yours,
                                .......
--
David Nigel Evans