Fifty More Ways to Confuse Your Roomate
 
 1.  Invite your invisible friends over for a few weeks.  Blame them 
     when all his beer is gone.  Be convincing.
 2.  Get a Brother P-Touch labeler.  Label EVERYTHING!!!
 3.  When ever your girlfrined sleeps over, leave wearing her 
     clothes.
 4.  Hide all your roomate's stuff and tell him that he never lived 
     with you.  Extra points if he checks with the housing director.
 5.  Give your roomate a plastic bag. Ask him to shit in it because 
     your pet dung beetles are hungry. 
 6.  Borrow your roomate's clothes.  Offer to wash them, then act 
     like they were yours all along.
 7.  Replace his toothpaste with Fix-O-Dent.
 8.  If you live on the first floor, refuse to use the door.  Climb 
     in and out through the window. Claim doctor's orders.
 9.  Hide under a pile of dirty clothes in the closet.  Twitch a 
     lot and mutter, "They can't suck my brain if they can't 
     find me!"
 10. Scratch your head a lot.  Pretend to eat the lice you find.  
     Offer one to your roomate.
 11. Don't shower for three weeks.  Complain often about the stench. 
     Demand that your roomate do his laundry.
 12. Talk about your roomate to the little man who lives in your 
     pocket.
 13. Groom yourself like a cat.
 14. Build a fort out of beer cans.  Refuse to come out until you 
     are granted audience with Zontar, High Lord of Saria 3.
 15. Organize a black mass.  Tell your roomate that the sacrifice 
     backed out at the last minute and if he would volunteer.
 16. Say everything in Pig Latin.
 17. Save all of your nail clippings.  Make sculptures out of them.
 18. Refer to yourself in the royal third person.
 19. Funnel Pepsi.
 20. Spend all of your money on Alvin and the Chipmunks records.  
     Play them constantly.  Say that it's an assignment for your 
     "Popular Music in the Youth Subculture" class.
 21. Save the wrappers to everything that you eat.  Collect them in 
     a ball and store it on your roomate's bed.
 22. Paint a mural depicting Napoleon's defeat at Waterloo on your 
     roomate's mattress.  Hand it in to your art teacher for a 
     grade.
 23. Refuse to wash your underwear.  Say that you are trying to 
     prove LaMarck's thoery of spontaneous generation.
 24. Develop ESP.  Answer all of your roomate's questions before he 
     asks them.
 25. Make your bed 15 times a day.  Sleep on the floor.
 26. Save your used tissues.  Have snowball fights.
 27. Wear sunglasses at night.  Bump into things often.  Swear 
     loudly.
 28. Throw out your bed.  Move in with your roomate.
 29. Wear all of your clothes backwards.  (Now it's just plain weird 
     again.)
 30. Buy a snake.  Give it free reign of the room.
 31. Name your books. Call them like dogs when it's time to study.
 32. Cut the faces out of all your pictures.
 33. Hang all of your posters up backwards.
 34. Pick up the phone every two minutes.  Then slam it down and 
     say, "Damn, missed them again!"  Continue for two weeks.
 35. Dance around the room with underwear on your head while 
     listening to old Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass records.  If 
     your roomate questions you, throw a pair on his head and 
     TANGO!!!
 36. Wear khakis and riding boots around the room.  Goosestep often.
 37. Steal all of your roomate's pens.  Make a tower out of them.  
     Bite him if he tries to get them back.
 38. Develop Multiple Personality Disorder.  Use your other selves 
     to act out Shakespearean tragedies.
 39. Open the window.  After 30 minutes, complain about the cold and 
     open it wider.  
 40. Two words:  Nudist colony.
 41. Listen to Morrisey.  Be happy before, during, and after you 
     listen.
 42. Tattoo your roomate's name on your butt.  Insist that he do the 
     same for you.
 43. Get a loft.  Sleep hanging upside down from it like a bat.
 44. Play Dungeons and Dragons a lot.  (A lot means that you should 
     own a sword, and at some time during the year you should dress 
     up as your character.)
 45. Wear Underoos.
 46. Carve a large phallus.  Pray to it daily.
 47. Walk around with a hot dog sticking out of your fly.  Act like 
     it isn't there.
 48. Put a chamber pot in your closet.  Fill it with lemon-lime 
     Gatorade. Pretend to use it.  Drink from it and offer your 
     roomate a cup.
 49. Make your finger talk to you.  Write backwards on the walls.
 50. Constantly ask your roomate, "Do you feel lucky?" while 
     fingering a bulge under your jacket.