******COLLEGE BURGER JOINT CONVERSATIONS FROM AROUND THE NATION******
M.I.T.:     "I had a nervous breakdown this weekend."
            "Have some fries."
Caltech:    "I had three nervous breakdowns this weekend."
            "Have some fries."
Yale:       "I got mugged on the way to class today."
            "Have some fries."
Brown:      "I got a nose ring this weekend, Professor Smith."
            "Cool! Me too! Have some fries."
Swarthmore: "I got a B."
            "Anywhere else it would have been an A. Have some fries."
Princeton:  "My father took away my Porsche this weekend."
            "Poor dear. Have some Escargot."
Harvard:    "Did you do anything this weekend?"
            "Nope. Have some fries."
Williams:   "Don't I know you?"
            "Of course you do, silly. Have some fries."
Cornell:    "I killed my lab partner this weekend."
            "Bummer. Have some fries."
Vassar:     "I'm totally stressed and, by the way, I'm gay."
            "Ditto. Have some fries."
Columbia:   "I wish I could be eating these fries at a better school."
            "Me too. Let's go get shot."
Penn:       "I wish I could be eating these fries at a better school."
            "Me too. Let's transfer to Columbia."
Stanford:   "Dude, I have so much work this weekend."
            "Like, chill out, dude. Have some, like, fries."
Dartmouth:  "Oh man, I got so trashed this weekend. It was fuckin awesome."
            "Have some beer."
Wellesley:  "God I'm desperate."
            "Me too. Have some fries."
Tufts:      "I wish I were Ivy League."
            "Here, drink the fry grease."