You know it's going to be a bad day when . . . . . . your twin sister forgets your birthday. . . . you wake up face down on the pavement. . . . you put your bra on backwards and it fits better. . . . you call suicide prevention and they put you on hold. . . . you see a "60 Minutes news team" waiting in your outer office. . . . your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles. . . . your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business. . . . you want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party, and there aren't any. . . . you turn on the TV news and they're displaying emergency routes out of your city. . . . the woman you've been seeing on the side begins to look like your wife. . . . you wake up to discover that your water bed broke and then you realize that you don't have a water bed. . . . your horn goes off accidently and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway. . . . you get a rejection notice from the HUMOR Listserver saying that you're no longer funny . . . your doctor tells you, "Well, I have bad news and good news..." . . . you open the paper and find your picture under a caption that reads: "WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE!" . . . your ex-lover calls and tells you he has 6 days to live, and that you'd better get the Test . . . you wake up at work naked in front of your co-workers . . . when someone accuses you of faking humor . . . your lover tells you, "I'm sub-letting another apartment and the movers are here to move me." . . . you log on to get your e-mail only to find 74 flames over that het joke you never posted . . . you have an appointment in 10 minutes and you just woke up . . . you need your chocoholic fix and the government just banned chocolate!