December 14:  
   Dearest John, I went to the door today and the postman delivered a 
 partridge in a pear tree.  What a thoroughly delightful gift.  I 
 couldn't have been more suprised.  
         With deepest love and affection, Vicki.  
 Decmber 15:  
   Dearest John, Today the postman brought your very sweet gift.  Just 
 imagine two turtle doves.  I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful 
 gift.  They are just adorable.  
            All my love, Vicki.  
 December 16:  
   Dear John, Oh!  Aren't you extravagant.  Now I really must protest. 
  I don't deserve such generosity . . . three French hens.  They are 
 just darling but I must insist, you've been too kind.  
              Love, Vicki.  
 Decmber 17:  
   Dear John, Today the postman delivered four calling birds.  Now 
 really, they are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough. . . 
 You're being too romantic.  
              Affectionately, Vicki.  
 December 18:  
   Dear John, What a surprise!  Today the postman delivered five 
 golden rings; one for each finger.  You're just impossible, but I 
 love it.  Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on 
 my nerves.  
                 All my love, Vicki
 December 19:
   Dear John, When I opened the door there were actually six geese a 
 laying on my front steps.  So you're back to the birds again, huh?  
 These geese are huge.  Where will I ever keep them?  The neighbors 
 are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket.  
       Please Stop.  
                     Cordially, Vicki.  
 December 20:  
   John, What's with you and these fucking birds??  Seven swans a 
 swimming.  What kind of goddam joke is this?  There's bird shit all 
 over the house and they never stop wth the racket.  I can't sleep at 
 niight and I'm a nervous wreck.  It's not funny.  So stop with thoses 
 fucking birds.  
                         Sincerely, Vicki.  
 December 21:  
   OK, Buster . . . I think I prefer the birds.  What the hell am I 
 going to do with 8 maids a-milking?  It's not enough with all those 
 birds and 8-maids a milking, but they had to bring their goddam cows. 
 There's shit all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house.  
 Just lay off me, smartass.  
                            Vicki
 December 22:  
   Hey Shithead, What are you?  Some kind or sadist?  Now there's 9 
 pipers playing.  And Chriist do they play!  They've never stopped 
 chasing thoses maids since they got here yesterday morning.  The cows 
 are getting upset and they're stepping all over those screeching 
 birds.  What am I going to do?  The neighbors have started a pettion 
 to evict me.  
                                You'll get yours, Vicki
 December 23: 
   You rotten prick, Now there's ten ladies dancing.  I don't know why 
 I call these sluts ladies.  They've been balling those pipers all 
 night long.  Now the cows can't sleep and they've got the diarrhea.  
 My living room is a river of shit.  The Commissioner of Buildings has 
 subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned.  
                                 I'm siccing the police on you.  
                                            One who means it, Vicki
 December 24:  
   Listen fuckhead, What's with the 11 lords a-leaping on those maids  
 and ladies.  Some of these broads will never walk again.  Those 
 pipers ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the 
 cows.  All 23 of the birds or dead.  They've been trampled to death 
 in the orgy.  I hope you're satisfied, you rotten vicious swine.  
                      Your sworn enemy, Vicki
 December 25: 
   Dear Sir, This is to acknowledge your latest gift of 12 fiddlers 
 fiddling, which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss 
 Victoria Bedford.  The destructiion, of course, was total.  
     All correspondence should come to our attention.  If you should 
 attempt to reach Miss Bedford at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the 
 attendents have instructions to shoot you on sight.  With this 
 letter, please find attached a warrent for your arrest.  
                        Cordially, Badger, Bender, and Cahole.  
 
                              Luv, 
                               Karen Wohlafka
 
 Experience is a wonderful thing.  
     It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.